What I Learned from my Grandfather - M. Keith Berryman RIP

What I Learned from My Grandfather

It’s true that my grandfather and I did not always agree about things. He was very sure he was right most of the time, and I usually think I am right, too. My own stubbornness combined with the ability to stand up for my personal opinions was not taken lightly by him. As I reflect on what I will miss the most about my grandfather I am surprised by the fact that even though sometimes I was pretty angry with him, I still cared deeply about what he thought of me. Although ornery and irritating at times, he was someone I could admire for his genuine laugh and squeeze of my arm. I know he loved me, and perhaps this is why I cared so much when I thought he did not see my point of view.

I am so grateful I was able to spend a few quiet hours with him last year. We did not argue at all, but just sat quietly and talked about how he met my grandmother long ago. All of those past arguments seemed, well, silly. He was just an pleasant older gentleman who needed to get his hair cut before visiting his wife in the nursing home. We were both focused on his and her fate rather than anything going on with me.

Isn’t it funny what a decade or two or three will do to one’s perspective? I enjoyed watching him take a rest in his favorite chair and worried about how lonely he was going to be without my grandma’s daily presence. I wonder now what caused him to be so passionate about his ideas which were in conflict with my own. I wonder what happened to him or what experiences he had throughout his life that brought him to those conclusions.

My twelve-year-old daughter has been feeling quite anxious lately about getting older and growing up. She often says to me, “I don’t want to be an adult and move away.” I tell her she doesn’t have to move away, but one day she will want to have her own life separate from her dad’s and mine. She is frightened by the idea. She is worried about when her parents will not be there for her, or eventually, about when we will die. I have tried to explain to her how we carry our loved ones with us. They are a part of us even if we are not together all of the time.

Because I have lost several family members in the past few years, I have been trying to remember what parts of them I carry when I miss them the most. I think my expensive taste and good humor come from my dad. My love of baking and gaming from my grandma. And my ability to stand up and say how I feel about things probably comes from my grandpa. I am so lucky to have had this lesson early in life. He probably could not have predicted how much alike we really are now. I am a passionate activist for the things in life I care the most about and not much can sway my opinions. I only hope I can have a similar influence on the ones I love as well.